I like to sit by the window in my classes
But I force myself not to most of the time
Because usually I find my eyes wandering
Out through the window
And
While it’s incredibly liberating
It turns out that
When my eyes return from their sabbatical
Class is over
And I’ve missed the entire lecture
I find myself compulsively checking the door
Of any one-person bathroom
In any restaurant
Because I refuse to believe that I’m safe
There’s nothing more vulnerable
Than being at the mercy of someone else
That has to shit
My parents moved just when I left for college
So on breaks I don’t have the benefit
Of refamiliarizing myself with my own bed
So I sleep in many
I often wake up confused
Unsure of where I am
An alien pillow supporting my head
I don’t sleep particularly well anymore
I remember an elementary school sick day
Entombed in blankets
Suffering through illness and TV commercials
I decided to remember that moment
And I made it a point to think about it
Every day for months
And it’s still there
A useless piece of myself retained solely to
have it
I opened up Snapchat yesterday
To the front facing camera
And I found myself watching my own eyes
Flit from side to side
In a mad attempt to process the truth
That it wasn’t my face on the screen
Having completed their journey
My eyes float back into the room
Through the open window
I reconvene with the lecture
As everyone takes their leave
Class is over
Listen to Jacob Lazarow read Wanderlust:
Jacob Lazarow is a sophomore working towards a degree in film and video. Since his father is an English teacher and he has been writing poetry since a very young age, it’s always been a part of his life. Since he doesn’t always have time to write out full stories, he’s always found poetry to be a good medium for writing about interesting concepts.