Each day, upon waking up, I spend a decent portion of time getting dressed in front of a mirror that is placed directly on the inside of my dorm room door. Getting an outfit that matches and is warm enough for this terrible Penn State cold (still not sure why I did not go to Clemson), is a tall task. I am just glad I am able to even look myself in the eyes in the mirror, as that reflective piece of glass used to serve as a constant reminder that I was not enough.
Being skinny is harder than people realize. I have always been on the thin side, probably either because of genetics or because I am not a huge eater. As a result, I would always have doubts when looking into the mirror. The mirror would say, “Put some muscle on to get that girl,” or “How are your friends so much bigger than you”? I think looking at myself in that light was not exactly my fault, but more so the people around me. 117 pounds. 117 (Don’t worry, I am around 145 now). That is how much I weighed as a 5’11″ male in February of 2020. The doctor said, “If you were to get very sick Pete, I am nervous about what would happen.” At that point, I hit my lowest. What a failure I had become, so sad at my own self image that I could not even look at myself in a mirror.
The other piece of glass that I became synonymous with has been the large pair of spectacles that I place upon my face daily. Glasses have always been a part of my identity. I remember picking out a pair in third grade, after my teacher had told my mom that I was unable to see the chalkboard. I was proud of my glasses, they made me unique and stand out. I would wear them every day no matter the occasion. They have become a part of me. To this day, when picking out a pair, I always look at myself in the mirror at the Eye Gallery, the place in which I buy my glasses, and see if I like the shape, color, and overall aesthetic of the pair. Glasses are now synonymous with my identity, to the point that if I put contacts in, which I do for sports, my friends and family hardly recognize me. I think that people that have judged me in the past for wearing glasses are just jealous that I actually now accept the difference that I possess, and my glasses represent who I am — an individual.
Glass, whether the mirror in my room or the glasses on my face, represents who I am. Glass itself symbolizes new beginnings, and each day for me is a new opportunity to better myself.
Peter Hassett writes, “This piece is a self-reflective draft about self-image and the importance that it has had in my lifetime. I think that this topic, for some, is taboo, but I am hoping that I can enlighten boys especially to be able to talk about this issue.”